I got punched in the face recently.
Not literally, but emotionally which was a real kick in the gut. I flew to La Jolla, California, to spend a day with a new mentor named Blake. I thought we were going to talk about behind the scenes We and Me business strategy and things brewing for the Connectors Summit and other exciting ideas.
But instead, I left feeling like I flew there as one version of myself… and flew back as someone different.
This post is about that transformation. And how it might invite one in you, too.
When “Connection” Isn’t Really Connection
For the past few years, I’ve been helping leaders, educators, and facilitators create meaningful connection. I co-authored Ask Powerful Questions and designed conversation tools like the We! Connect Cards and We! Engage Cards to gently eradicate small talk and spark conversations that matter.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth I confronted with Blake:
I’ve been doing a lot of connecting, but not a lot of being connected.
Blake called it out. He reminded me of two phrases I often say, but clearly hadn’t fully digested:
- “Without relatedness, no real work can occur.” – Peter Block
- “Efficiency is the enemy of connection.” – Will Wise, my late co-founder
Oof.
I had been so focused on building tools, sending quick replies, and optimizing workflows that I’d become hyper-efficient at “doing connection” but in the process, I’d lost space for depth of connection.
Doing Connection vs. Being Connected
Let me show you what I mean.
On the flight to La Jolla, I scanned my boarding pass and casually said to the gate agent:
“Happy Tuesday.”
It landed flat. She replied with a half-nod and kept scanning. Doing connection.
But after a day with Blake, after truly slowing down, I flew home in a different state. This time, I approached the gate agent again, same words:
“Happy Tuesday.”
But something was different. She paused. Looked up. Locked eyes. And said:
“Thank you.”
That tiny moment felt meaningful. And there were 20 more like it on the way home. Not because I was doing anything different but because I was different.
I was being connected.
The Possibility of Real Connection is Always Here
The tools I share in my Connection Toolkit, the icebreaker question cards, the team building books, the exercises, are all helpful. Super helpful.
But their power multiplies when you walk into a gathering or conversation from the mindset:
“I am the possibility that a beautiful connection can happen right here and right now.”
That’s the essence of Connection Before Content – not just starting with an icebreaker, but showing up differently.
If you’re looking for icebreakers for meetings or team building activities for work, that’s great but even better is bringing a mindset of being with others, not just doing with them.
Rethinking How We Gather
Priya Parker says:
“Sometimes the best gatherings aren’t the ones we plan for, but the ones we create in response to the world around us.”
That quote hit home for me. Last year’s Connector Summit was amazing! Two and a half days of virtual connection. But then… it ended. Like a lot of good things, it was “on the calendar” and then gone.
So this year, we’re doing it differently.
Instead of a single gathering, we’re building connection before, during, and after the summit. Why? Because sustained connection isn’t just a moment, it’s a movement.
If you’re in the business of team building, group facilitation, or meaningful leadership, you already know this: the best connection doesn’t always come from the most polished plan. It comes from presence.
Let This Be Your Nudge
Let this blog be your reminder to
Breathe.
Stop doing for just a second.
Ask: Am I being connected right now?
In Open Space Technology, one of the core principles is:
“Be open to an amazing outcome, but not expectant of it.”
This mindset shift from chasing outcomes to holding space for possibility has transformed every decision I’ve made since that moment in La Jolla.
And maybe it will for you too.
