This is a really important question to ponder because we live in this context where really the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it’s taken place. My job on the planet is to help some of the most innovative organizations, companies, top universities help increase their connection and engagement to smooth communication, create shortcuts and to increase their engagement productivity. I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to share all that I know in how to improve your communication as a leader.
I’m going to hopefully shift your perspective of how communication happens as a leader. Oftentimes, I think we think communication as a leader is type an email and send it to our team. Going back to that quote of communication. The problem with communication is often that we assume that people have read and understood and are speaking the same language as we are. That’s not always true.
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What I’m going to unpack here are 5 really concrete steps that you can create more effective communication through a more conversational leadership style as opposed to this top-down trickling down purely information. Because the way that things get remembered is when it feels like a conversation back and forth where you’re actually able to check in and be like you got it. I’m going to be pulling for a little bit of context on who I am and why I might be qualified to share this.
My co-founder and partner in crime Will Wise and I wrote this book called Ask Powerful Questions Create Conversations That Matter. The book is based on this framework that we’ve seen after working with hundreds of companies and organizations that if you want to create a really great culture of communication and connection, it’s really important that everybody at all levels feel like you’re willing to know them, see them, hear them, get them and that they’re actually with you on the same team. If you had a magic wand and you could wave that and create that sentiment for everyone, that would be convenient. And instead of making this video, I would just mail you the magic wand. But for us the flip side of that is Okay.
This is the impact we’re trying to create. How do we do it? I’m going to build up and share some of the concrete tools that we unpack in the book. If you’re one to skip reading the whole book and dive into spark notes, this video will be for you.
I’m going to offer a quick snapshot of each different level in a way that you can immediately pickup these ideas and put them to work. The second this video is done and you next team meeting starts. Whether it’s virtual or in person, these tools totally apply. Let’s get into it. Before I just start hurling tools at you to improve and increase your effectiveness in communication with your teams, why? What’s the point? And in the book, we did a whole ton of research of what is the value of connection and effective communication, and we found a whole ton of stuff. But in short, one of the things we found was that on average, companies that had cultures of effective communication enjoyed 47% higher returns. And maybe even more importantly, organizations that had really connected and engaged teams were people and employees in that system were 87% less likely to leave.
When you think about somebody quitting because the culture communication is terrible, they’re frustrated, there’s too much red tape, there’s too much bureaucracy, etc; they’re quitting and costing you a whole bunch of not just money but time and training time and education and resources and potential walking out the door because there is this friction in communication.
The other thing is having worked with some of the top organizations in the world. I’ve never worked with a group that said, “Our communication is fine. We’re really good at this, etc.” It’s an ongoing effort to improve communication as a leader and as an organization. Not simply.. You know, a once-and-done, here-we-go. That said, some low hanging fruit unpacked from the Ask Powerful Questions pyramid.
The base level “Intention”
The Latin root of the word intention actually means to stretch or stretching. You know very often we have intentions that affect other people. But very rarely, do we actually share them with the people they affect. The single most impactful thing you can do as a leader to improve your communication is get clear about your intention and make sure that it stretches to incorporate the needs of the whole, right? If you… You could say, “Hey, my intention in this meeting is to go over our quarterly numbers.” But that does not stretch to incorporate the needs of people in the group, right? Whereas if your intention was, “Hey, my goal is at the end of this meeting is to debrief the quarter in a way that everybody learns something really concrete and valuable that they can take away and apply to make their jobs little bit better and easier.”
Now, I’m on board. Because what intention does when you make intention clear, it allows the people around you to choose to play the same game or not. But allows them to choose to play the same game. Whereas, when we have intentions that affect other people and we don’t share them, that is actually manipulation. That is trying to get someone to do something that they may not even know. They either they don’t want to do or that they don’t know you’re trying to get them to do. Being real. The tool there at this level is to get really clear about your intention and share it with the people that it affects. Bumping up one level from that once you’ve set that foundation is;
Second is Rapport
We define this and Miriam, Webster might have slightly nuanced definition. But the word rapport we define as a relationship of trust. This is essential if you want to communicate. If you are communicating things out to a group of people and they don’t trust you, they won’t believe you and they won’t take action and they won’t take whatever you’re saying to heart.
It’s essential for you to improve your communication as a leader, to build that relationship of trust. Now, the tool that we teach at that level and tool number 2 here, is to follow your own natural genuine curiosity based on what people are sharing and presenting in the group.
When you’re when you’re seeing your team being curious about them is the easiest lowest friction pathway to building that relationship of trust. Even the from the most intelligent to the least intelligent of us humans are really good at picking up when people are genuinely interested versus not. Even as a busy leader who has way too much to do in too little time. Following your curiosity even a little bit with the people that are in on your team, in your organization has a profound impact to help them feel like you see them and you’re willing to see them.
That beyond that point the words that you say will actually be remembered or they’re more likely to be remembered. And neuroscientists have actually done studies where when they try to get people to remember a series of objects, when they invite people to be curious about those objects, they retain them better. It actually increases memory retention to be curious about each other in addition to building that relationship of trust.
Jumping up to the next level of “Openness”.
In this chapter, we talk about 2 forms of openness. One, you’ve got to be really open-minded as a leader, You’ve got to be willing when you communicate out to actually hear what people have to say their response. You’ve got to be open to feedback going the other way and not just communication flowing in one direction.
The third tool that we talk about this level of openness is how you ask really great questions. People have this trove of information, communication in their brain. And as human beings, we can’t just walk up and google search someone. We have to ask questions and talk in order to unpack what is in somebody’s brain experience ideas, etc.
Openness talks about or shares a tool that really great questions tend to begin with 1 of 2 words. Either How or What. Those questions tend to spark open responses. When you’re communicating out with people and your aim is to build a relationship a trust with them asking how are things going for you right now is a more open question than asking that some of the typical questions that we ask –Where are you from? What you do? There are caveats. There are questions that are closed that begin with how and what.
But for the most part, really great questions tend to begin with how or what. As you think about your communication style as a leader, I’d invite you to shift the amount of times you speak in periods and increase your level of questions. Especially when you’re in a meeting. If you want to tell somebody a bunch of stuff, ask a question first and seek their contribution and perspective. Because once they get that out, they’ll be way more receptive to what you have to share or offer in that moment.
The fourth level is “Listening”
Specifically reflective listening. The short version of this tool is really just to be able to hear what somebody else has said and reflect it back to them. To be a mirror. It’s one of the most powerful things that we can do as a leader even repeating what somebody has said verbatim or with a simple translation of what they said has an amazing ability to say, “I hear you and I really get you in that moment.”
The final tool is this idea of “Empathy”
Empathy oftentimes we think about it as putting both of our feet in somebody else’s shoes. Will and I would say, “Actually it’s not that.” That’s sympathy. That’s when you get so immersed in somebody’s world that you actually lose your own grounding as a leader in that moment.
Empathy I would say is putting one of your feet in somebody’s shoes and keeping one foot grounded in your own reality. And the best tool… Empathy is very hard to teach but the best tool that I can share with you in this context to empathize is to describe the world as they see it. Describe their world as they see it. Now, that that probably is an assumption of what you think their world is. But just describing the world as they see it is a really powerful way to empathize with the other.
All right. That was a lot all at once. If you want to dive in more, the Ask Powerful Questions went off and became a number 1 bestseller on Amazon. It’s available wherever books are sold.
I didn’t make this video to actually sell books to be honest. In high school, I was the kid that used spark notes and read very few books. Continue to follow us on YouTube and our other resources if you’re interested in getting more tips on how to communicate more effectively as a leader. The link to the videos at the end of this video will deepen that knowledge and your exposure to how to make connection and engagement easy on your teams.