Every city has a Chamber of Commerce. Almost none has a Chamber of Connection.
Aaron Hurst wants to change that. He founded the U.S. Chamber of Connection, and he believes the decline in connection and trust is the number one problem in our country. He sees it hurting our economy, our culture, and almost every part of daily life.
Aaron and I filmed a three-part series together. Here are the seven most useful ideas from it. You can use every one of them this week, whether you just moved to a new city or have lived in the same house for 20 years.
Part 1: How to Connect in a New City in 7 Days
Part 2: Why Does Every City NOT Have THIS?
Part 3: How to Be a Better Inviter
1. Be the inviter, not the invited
When you join a company like Amazon or Microsoft, there’s a whole process to help you meet people, learn the culture, and find your communities. When you move to a new city, there’s nothing like that.
So most people wait. Aaron hears it all the time: “I moved in, and no one knocked on my door to welcome me.” That’s a real loss. But you can spend the next 10 years telling that story, or you can host the potluck yourself.
The people who connect fastest in a new place don’t think of themselves as the ones who need an invitation. They start inviting right away.
One of Aaron’s friends wrote a letter about herself when she moved into her apartment building. It covered her interests and hobbies, so neighbors could spot something in common. She put a blank page and a return envelope inside and slid one under every door. Three years later, it was one of the buildings everyone in Atlanta wanted to live in, because the social life was so good. It even raised the property value. It all started with one letter.
Another friend loves baking without recipes. Her husband got tired of taste-testing, so she started knocking on neighbors’ doors: “I like to bake. Can I bring you what I try and get your honest feedback?” That gave her a reason to connect with someone every week.
2. Host a potluck instead of meeting at a restaurant
Americans don’t bring people into their homes enough. If you just moved in, invite people over, and make it a potluck.
A potluck at home does three things a restaurant can’t. People see who you are more fully. The dish each person brings tells you something about them, so it starts a conversation. And you do the dishes together afterward. At a restaurant, the dirty plates just disappear, and so does that moment of working side by side.
3. Ask a curious question instead of giving a compliment
At Aaron’s dinner parties, guests end up at his bookshelf or looking at family photos. “I see you were in France. I was just in Paris.” You’d never get that at a restaurant. So decorate your home to feel like you, and let it give people ways to start a conversation. A sports jersey works the same way. “How long have you been a Bears fan?” is an easy conversation starter.
The same goes for questions. My late co-founder and co-author, Will Wise, once pushed me on this. “I like your glasses” goes nowhere. “How did you end up choosing that pair of glasses?” invites a story. A compliment ends the conversation. A curious question opens one.
When Aaron asked how I picked my black T-shirt, there was a real answer. I was filming from home before going kitesurfing on Lake Erie, with a swimsuit underneath. He learned more about me in 30 seconds than any compliment would have.
Want more openers like this? Download our free printable cards, book excerpts, and more here.
4. A no is what makes a yes mean something
For about nine months, Aaron hosted a dinner every two weeks for eight people he’d met at conferences or on calls. The topic was connection. He was amazed how many guests said, “No one ever invites me to anything.”
Most people don’t invite others because they expect rejection, or they worry they can’t host well. But almost everyone feels the same way. An invitation is a gift even when the person can’t come.
Aaron’s mentor Peter Block says that if you can’t say no, your yes has no meaning. People need to be free to decline. If you invite 30 people and three show up, you have three people to build something real with. No one needs 8,000 friends.
5. Join a community of play
This is the most important idea in the series.
Aaron’s team looked at belonging, social health, and even charitable giving. Across all of them, the strongest predictor was whether a person belongs to a community of play: the same group of people doing an activity together on a regular schedule. The Sunday tennis match. Thursday night bridge. Pickleball after work on Fridays.
Seeing the same people around the same activity builds trust over time. Friendships form even across political and racial lines.
If you do only one thing in your first seven days somewhere new, pick something you loved doing before you moved, find the group doing it in your new city, and join. If you live in a small town and there’s nothing to join, start the group and invite whoever comes.
Watch Part 1, How to Connect in a New City in 7 Days:
6. Connection needs infrastructure
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce helped make America business-first. It gave business a shared voice, measured what mattered, and represented thousands of small businesses at the grassroots level.
The Chamber of Connection is using the same model for connection. First, a shared voice: leaders from health, education, business, government, sports, and the arts come together in each city to create one agenda for connection. Second, measurement: a yearly measure of connection in each city gives local leaders, called the Connection Council, the data to see what’s working. Third, neighbors as members: run clubs, swim clubs, libraries, museums, and every neighbor get a voice.
It also works from the bottom up. Fewer than 10% of people have ever dealt with the Chamber of Commerce directly, but 100% of us have been shaped by its work. Connection spreads the same way. Aaron and I met once, briefly, at a conference about ten years ago. Without that one chance conversation, this series might never have happened.
7. The smallest act of activism
75% of Americans rarely invite anyone to anything. Aaron calls inviting someone the smallest act of activism for social connection.
Invite someone to coffee. Invite them for a walk, to a baseball game, or for a swim. That one act is what starts the change, and we don’t celebrate it enough.
If you want to go further, the Chamber of Connection trains volunteers through its Welcome Committee to be the person on their block who makes the difference.
Watch Part 2, Why Does Every City NOT Have THIS?:
Your invitation
Connection doesn’t spread from the top down. It needs infrastructure like the Chamber of Connection, and it needs you to invite one person to one thing this week.
Want help making your invitation one people say yes to? Watch Part 3, How to Be a Better Inviter:
Want to go deeper? Request an invite to the Connectors Summit this December, a live experience where facilitators, trainers, and leaders come together to practice, connect, and reset.
