How do you lead when you are not in charge?
On this channel, I usually talk about how to lead and facilitate meetings and gatherings. But what if you’re attending a meeting where your boss or maybe even your boss’s boss is running the show?
Here’s the good news: you can still lead when you’re not in charge.
I’m going to share three influence levers that run deep and will help you step into leadership, even without a title. Bonus: they also work when you are in charge.
Per usual, the video makes these ideas come fully alive but the “too long, didn’t watch” snapshot is below.
1. Make Clear Requests
Will you read the rest of this blog? That’s a request.
Notice the difference between me saying “Read the rest of this blog” and “Will you read the rest of this blog?” A true request leaves space for the other person to say no. Without that option, there’s no freedom.
Peter Block said to me once that “if you can’t say ‘no’ then your ‘yes’ has no meaning.”
This idea came from my late co-founder and co-author, Will Wise. He taught me that one of the most profound ways to lead when you’re not in charge is to master the art of making clear requests.
Too often in organizations, people try to “influence” their boss by dropping hints, planting ideas, or forwarding clever articles. But that can feel manipulative. In fact, I’d argue that it is manipulative. A request, on the other hand, is transparent and non-manipulative:
“I’d like to play this game. Would you be willing to play it too?”
That’s honest leadership, even if you don’t have authority.
2. Share Your Intent (and Seek Consent)
Here’s something I hear all the time:
“Chad, I personally love your ideas about connection before content. But my boss would never do that.”
If that sounds familiar, here’s your move: share your intent in a way that benefits the common goal. Or includes what they care about.
Let’s say your boss cares about efficiency and finishing a project on time. You could approach them like this:
“Hey, I know finishing on time is important. I have an idea that might double our productivity and speed. Would you be open to giving me the first seven minutes of our next meeting to lead a quick discussion that I think will jumpstart us by about an hour?”
Notice how this blends intent with a clear request. You’re not nudging or cajoling. You’re seeking consent.
In personal relationships, we know how important consent is. The same is true at work. Too often, we try to push or influence without explicitly asking permission. If you’re not in charge, put seeking consent at the top of your list.
3. Build Stronger Relationships
Right before filming this, I was walking with my friend Joe Mull, author of Employalty. I asked him: “Joe, what do you have for me and my audience on how to lead when you’re not in charge?”
Joe pointed me to research on the proximity and strength of relationships. The deeper the relationship, the more effort people are willing to give.
For example:
- If a vague acquaintance asked me to drive three hours to help them move a refrigerator, the answer is a hard no.
- If my mom (who lives eight hours away) asked, I might grumble a bit, but then I’d get in the car and help her. Why? Because our relationship is strong.
If you want to lead without authority, invest in building deeper relationships. When people know you and trust you, they’re far more likely to say yes to your requests.
That’s not manipulation. That’s connection.
If you’re looking for more ways to build a culture of connection and engagement, you really want to be at the Connectors Summit.
