How to Get Eye-Rollers and Clock-Watchers to Engage
Let’s be honest: not everyone walks into a room excited to participate. Whether it’s an offsite, a staff meeting, or a training session, there’s always at least one person with arms crossed, eyes glued to their phone, or wondering when they can sneak out.
After working with 100,000+ people over the last decade, I have earned an unofficial title: Professional Arms-Uncrosser.
So if you’re a facilitator, trainer, educator, or leader looking for how to engage reluctant participants, here are three powerful and practical methods to win people over, authentically and effectively.
Method 1: Speak the Language of Intent
Most people don’t resist participation because they’re rude. They resist because they expect to be pushed to do something they don’t want to do. Either that, or the risk of participating is too high. Or the value of participating is too low.
Here’s how to fix that:
Be radically clear about your intentions, and communicate them in a way that includes what they care about.
That’s where the magic phrase comes in:
Add “so that” to your goal, ask or instruction.
Example:
Instead of saying:
“We’re here to spend a day diving into strategy.”
Say:
“We’re here to spend a day diving into strategy…so that…six months from now you won’t feel as overwhelmed or overworked as you do today.”
That tiny shift creates shared purpose. It builds trust and it turns reluctance into attention.
Pro Tip:
Use the “so that” phrasing in emails, invitations, and live facilitation. When people feel seen and understood, they’re far more likely to participate.
Method 2: Look Beneath the Complaint
A wise mentor once told me:
“Behind every complaint is a longing.”
That statement changed the way I work with people.
Whether it’s eye-rolling, phone-checking, or “why are we even doing this?” there’s often a very real longing underneath:
- A need to be heard.
- A desire for clarity.
- A hunger for connection or recognition.
Try this with your group:
“I know there’s a lot that could be frustrating right now. And I wonder….what’s the longing underneath that frustration?”
Then break into small groups of 3 and ask participants to share their answers.
Wrap with this “so that” intention:
“My intent today is to hear those longings and make sure our work moves us closer to what matters most.”
This approach is ideal for icebreakers for small groups, team building activities for work, or even group therapy settings.
Method 3: Use Challenge by Choice
This concept from experiential education is all about autonomy. Not if people participate but how they participate.
Reframe the “opt-in”:
Instead of pushing everyone to join the same way, invite them to choose their level of engagement.
Example:
“We’re going to do a question swap. If that makes you nervous, that’s okay. If it totally freaks you out, feel free to put on headphones and just observe. I’d love to hear your take afterward.”
This is a subtle but powerful shift.
It reduces anxiety. It increases psychological safety. It lets people bring their whole selves in their own way.
Want to go deeper?
You can tailor “Challenge by Choice” even further:
- For seasoned employees: “You’ve been here for 30 years. Could you jot down insights others might overlook?”
- For new hires: “You bring a fresh perspective, can you take notes on what stands out, and share that later?”
Both feel seen, valued, and included. And that’s what great facilitation is all about.
Here’s a beautiful perspective by author, experiential trainer, and founder of playmeo.com, Mark Collard:
“The phrase “challenge by choice” was coined by adventure programming guru Karl Rohnke, my friend, colleague and mentor. Sadly, over the years, it has lost its original meaning because too many leaders view this choice as binary—you’re either in or out.
Yes, it does (rightly) give agency to the participant, BUT… the primary responsibility of this powerful philosophical framework lies with the leader: to create an environment in which participants make appropriate choices (consistent with your program intentions).
That is to say, you can’t just say ‘I gave them a choice, and they chose not to participate’—this is a cop-out of a lazy facilitator.
The key to our work—and I know you get this, Chad—is to create environments in which people feel comfortable stepping outside their comfort zones (because this is the only place learning occurs). To this end, reluctant participants are just not comfortable (yet), and your strategies intend to stretch those possibilities. Well played (as usual).”
BONUS: Shift Ownership With a Simple Prompt
This is the gold standard of facilitation:
Get participants to take ownership of their own learning.
Two ways to do this:
- Silent Self-Check “On a scale from 1 to 7, how much do you intend to participate in your own learning today?”
Then say:
“Great. You’ve just made a decision about your experience. If at any point you’re not satisfied, you can always bump that number up.” - Curiosity Prompt “I would really love to learn more about ________.”
This turns passive attendees into active seekers, instantly.
These prompts work beautifully in the first 5 minutes of any event or team building exercise, especially when paired with We! Connect Sticker Nametags to make those personal insights visible throughout the day.
Bottom Line: Inclusion Is Practical, Not Political
When I say “inclusion,” I mean it literally:
How can we include every voice, perspective, and possibility in the room, so nothing valuable gets left behind?
Using these methods, you create space for:
- The veterans who’ve “seen it all.”
- The new folks just getting started.
- The introverts. The skeptics. The overbooked.
And everyone feels like they matter.
If you only take one thing from this post, let it be this:
Speak the language of intention.
See the longing beneath the complaint.
Give people real choice in how they participate.
Want more tools to win over reluctant participants?
Grab our free printable card packs, book excerpts, and facilitation resources right here:
👉 https://weand.me/tools/
