When was the last time you engaged in a conversation where you truly connected? Not the typical, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” but something deeper, something that created a lasting impact? If you’re like most people, those meaningful connections are rare, but what if there was a way to change that?
Introducing an experiment designed to break the mold of traditional conversations and foster authentic, memorable interactions. This activity challenges the status quo, asking, “What happens when we don’t ask the usual questions?”
Breaking the Ice: The Typical Conversation Starters
Picture this: you walk into a room full of people you’ve never met. What are the first questions you ask? Most likely, they sound something like:
- “How are you?”
- “Where are you from?”
- “What do you do?”
We lean on these default questions because they’re safe, predictable, and easy. But as you’ve likely experienced, they often limit the depth of connection.
“We ask one of the same four to five questions nearly every single time we meet somebody. Not bad or good, just interesting,” I often tell participants. These questions aren’t wrong—they’re just predictable. What if you flipped the script and ditched those questions altogether?
The Experiment: Question Swapping for Deeper Connections
Here’s how the experiment works: each person is given a card with a question on it—intentionally designed to spark curiosity and invite a meaningful response. The task is simple: pair up with someone you haven’t met, ask them the question on your card, listen to their response, and then swap cards. After each exchange, raise your hand to signal that you’re ready for a new partner. You can swap as many times as you like or stick with a particularly engaging conversation.
This isn’t just about asking different questions; it’s about breaking free from the expected and exploring what lies beneath the surface.
The Magic of the Second Question
After the first round, I love to add a twist. In this second round of the experiment, participants are encouraged to ask a follow-up question—what I call “the second question.” This is where the magic happens.
“The magic is in the second question,” I tell participants. “No matter how badly you want to jump in and respond with, ‘I’m a scuba diver too,’ hold off.” The second question digs deeper. It keeps you in the moment, pushing you to listen and respond to what the other person has just shared.
It’s not just about your own experience; it’s about genuinely caring enough to ask more. This transforms a simple exchange into a memorable connection.
Reviving Curiosity: A Lost Art
Consider this: children between the ages of two and five ask around 300-400 questions a day. By adulthood, that number drops drastically. “On average, adults ask six to twelve questions per day,” But here’s the thing: curiosity doesn’t have to disappear as we grow older.
By staying curious and asking follow-up questions, we invite richer, more meaningful dialogue. It’s not about what you’re saying but about the stories and experiences behind the words.
The Power of Connection
Once the experiment is over, I like to ask participants a simple question: “What struck you about those conversations?” In the reflection that follows, I often hear:
- “We all have stories.”
- “It was easy to get deep.”
- “I cared about someone really quickly.”
These aren’t just throwaway comments. They reflect the power of breaking the mold and asking questions that push us to truly connect. As I often say, “When I say deep conversations, I don’t mean we all need to tell our deepest secrets. It’s about seeing someone as more than a 2D figure. With each new story or experience, they gain depth.”
Designing the Best Connection Group Activity
How do you make this activity the best group connection experience? The key lies in choice and autonomy. Participants can choose the types of questions they ask and how they answer them. The cards are color-coded to guide that choice:
- Green cards: Light and fun questions
- Purple cards: Encourage self-reflection
- Blue cards: Invite deeper, more introspective conversations
Participants have 100% control over how they engage, which allows for a more natural and enjoyable experience. As a facilitator, I like to remind people, “You have 100% choice and autonomy in how you answer any question.” Whether they choose something playful or introspective, it’s all part of the process of discovery.
Conclusion: What Are We Really Doing Here?
At its core, this experiment isn’t just about asking questions—it’s about creating real connections. When we move beyond the surface-level exchanges and into more meaningful conversations, we see people as more than just names or job titles. We add depth to our understanding, making it harder to dismiss or judge others.
So, the next time you’re in a room full of strangers, challenge yourself to ask something different. Engage with curiosity, embrace the magic of the second question, and see what happens when you truly connect.
I’m Chad Littlefield. There are 500 other videos like this with really useful stuff. Consider subscribing. Have an awesome day!