This blog is going to be on how to ask questions to get the answers that you want. This is a question, ironically, that I get asked fairly often. My job, I get to work with some of the smartest and most talented leaders and educators on the planet, and I’m going to share one major paradigm shift that the smartest educators and leaders go through or make in order to ask really phenomenal questions to get the answers that they want. The answers and maybe even more importantly the impact that they want to have. The only fluff I like goes on a sandwich and tastes like marshmallow.
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Half of the paradigm shift is this, when you think about asking questions to get the answers that you want, on one hand you think about asking leading questions, right. Think about a lawyer, an FBI investigator, a cop, “Just give me the facts ma’am” They’re leading questions. They are asking- especially a lawyer right, and the court is asking questions that is aiming to get to a certain aim and there’s this intensity toward it, and the witness or the person being asked questions feels that pull. Feels like you’re leading them some way.
Ask Exploratory Questions
As opposed to really phenomenal leaders and educators ask questions that are exploratory rather than leading. The difference between asking leading questions over here and exploratory questions over here is quite massive. It’s the difference between whether somebody trusts you or not, it’s the difference between somebody being honest with you or not, it’s the difference between increasing psychological safety and decreasing psychological safety, which I shared in many of my other videos on the channel.
The number one predictor of high performing innovative teams is the degree of psychological safety. Over here these people’s job is typically not to increase psychological safety. If anything, it’s to make sure your heart rate’s high enough, at least in the movies. If you happen to be a lawyer or an FBI investigator watching this video, you get a pass, but the idea here is you want people to feel psychologically safe because the answers that you want- I don’t know exactly what questions you’re asked, I don’t know exactly what landed you on this video, but the answer is I would argue that you want are the most honest ones. They’re the answers that people shared because they meant them, not because they shared them to fit some view of what- what they thought you wanted. Which happens a lot in leadership, the higher you go in a role of leadership, the more people lie to you and tell you what you think you want to hear, as opposed to what you really want to hear is truth. Working with some leaders at high levels within organizations, and universities, and schools, it is a unanimous theme that people have to work harder to just get authentic answers, authentic responses from people that aren’t super baked and prepared, and you get the idea.
In a moment,I’m going to share the paradigm shift in the form of some signs that I’ve got, but first, I want to offer you the definition of adventure, and it relates to getting the answers that you want. Because somebody wants to find adventure, for me, as embarking on an experience where the outcome is uncertain. Typically you think “adventure” and it’s like classically conditioned with like skydiving. That is thrilling, but hopefully the outcome is certain. Maybe, actually it is adventurous because you could die. There’s that element of risk and yet a true adventure in a conversational sense in an organizational sense is any experience or conversation where the outcome is uncertain. The best conversations, the most memorable ones, the most impactful ones feel like an adventure. You don’t know exactly where they’re going to go. They’re not leading questions, right.
Make Assumptions by Exploring Possibilities
The paradigm shift that I have noticed in some of the smartest people on the planet is moving from a place of making assumptions to a place of exploring possibilities. When you’re able to question your assumptions, that becomes exploring possibilities. But question them in a way that is rooted in zero judgment whatsoever. Cop, FBI investigator, lawyer is asking questions- they might be questioning their assumptions, but they already know they’re not even- they’re so deeply rooted assumptions that they know the answer. There’s no changing their mind on what they think. Whereas I would argue that the answers you want to get when you ask questions are the ones that explore possibilities, because these are the ones that lead to new product ideas, better learning outcomes, higher engagement, less turnover in your organization. This paradigm has the potential to very much shift every conversation that happens. Now, if you shift you know one conversation from a place of making assumptions to a place of exploring possibilities, cool. But if you do this organizationally or, you know, across your team are able to make that shift, what you get is a completely different team.
I have a firm belief that our entire world is created through our speaking and our listening. I can’t quite explain hurricanes with that mentality or that theory but, the majority of your world is shaped by speaking and listening. When we change those things, I would argue that we actually change the world. If you’re not happy with the current world that you’re living in or the current microcosm that you’re living in, see what happens when you’re able to shift from making assumptions to exploring possibilities.
Now, in other videos, I teach some really clever tips on how to ask better questions. Questions that begin with “how” or “what” and not “why” is a really great way to move from that making assumptions to exploring possibilities. I’m teaching people how to tap into their natural genuine curiosity. Teaching people how to listen to the music behind the words because that’s usually where the most possibility lies as opposed to just listening for the facts and the words. Training yourself in more wise ways to listen really helps. Easiest, lowest hanging fruits to shift from this paradigm is very simply moving from closed questions to open questions. Here, there are a lot of closed questions being asked. Yes or no questions, things that put you in a place at a certain time, that put you in a box that don’t allow for a lot of options and how you answer them, right, maybe even multiple choice.
A leading question might look like, “Hey, were you here or were you here on Friday, January 19th?” Well, you don’t have only those options as opposed to over here, “What were you doing on January 19th?” FBI investigator could still ask that question, but this is a more open question. It has less judgment. It pigeonholes people less, and you don’t want to pigeonhole people.